Recently my ex-boyfriend and I found each other on Facebook. We were together during college and after that, our lives never crossed paths; it has been roughly 28 years. We were classmates before and now we resume that relationship. So far so good, another lost friend found; a common story on Facebook.
Then something happened that made me ponder about a totally different thing. The way he addresses me, talks to me, makes comments about me, makes me gradually realize that, for him I am still that girl 28 years ago. In the beginning I really didn’t recognize that girl. I felt strange for no reason until it dawned on me that he has not really been addressing me; he has been “talking” to the “old me” and suddenly I realized that I have changed so much.
How many personalities could a person have in a lifetime? We are certainly not the kind of person we were when we were 20 years old. When we reached our 30s, we had evolved into yet another “person.” I read from somewhere someone says a person takes time to become one. This might be at least partly true. Otherwise the movies like “Young Victoria” which is a story of the young Queen Victoria of England who had done so much for the prosperity of Britain that her name graces an English historical period, wouldn’t make any sense. Likewise that movie about the young Coco Chanel, one of the great designers of our time. These examples just confirm that their young lives are as important and interesting as the lives that make them world famous.
Are we the most complete and perfect at our current personality? Are we always happy with this person we have become? Is it possible to get stuck emotionally with our “old personality”? It is not uncommon to see people using their old photos as their Facebook profile picture, or old friends sharing old, sepia photos of their youth. Why do we dwell in or like to visit our past? Maybe that’s what psychology is for. I may have enjoyed the few personalities of my past, but I think I’m most content with the current one and I certainly look forward to meeting the "future me."
Another complication about the evolution of our person is that we might perceive ourselves to be of one personality but people around us might take us to be a different kind of person. This of course makes everything all the more confusing. In the middle of all this, I guess the best way to survive is to know thyself the way you really are. You might have very nasty habits, you might treat people who love you badly, you may take for granted those who have labored for your well being, etc. But if that’s who you are, denying it won’t get you anywhere. An ancient and wise Chinese philosopher says “Know your enemy and know yourself,” but I’d say know yourself, period. Knowing how terrible you are often times makes you more considerate to other people. An ability to accept yourself the way you really are is an acquired skill, it could be hard, but it might be worth trying.
