2011 New Year Reflection

It’s the end of a year, again. It’s really only another day but we can always look at it as a benchmark of a life another year lived, our own or others’. Most people like to reflect on what has come to pass and what lie ahead for them. For this reason, I find the end of a year and the beginning of another somewhat useful.

The end of this year revealed a few deaths for me. An ancient college teacher passed away, she was old and frail so that was not much of a surprise. A husband of another older college teacher also died, of old age and illness. A friend posted about a tragic accident that took away 8 lives of people whom we think had so much to contribute to the world, an uncalled-for loss to society.

We did not get a chance to attend the funeral of the teacher who died as her relatives arranged the ceremony in Bangkok, so her friends and colleagues here in Chiang Mai arranged some kind a wake for her at Wat Suandok(mai) one morning. Professor Sang Changnam gave a soulful talk about her and I got to meet my old teachers and many of the deceased’s friends and colleagues whom I don’t get to see on a regular basis, those whom I have lost touch with. It was nice to see them looking exactly the same and vibrant as ever.

An occasion like this—mourning the dead—is a very constructive occasion. It reminds us that we go on, that we have to be strong because there will be more goodbyes to say. Seeing someone dying should not make us sad or hopeless, it should create an opposite response as it brings people who are left behind a little more closer and it makes us appreciate life a little better. It also makes us more cautious of what we do and tells us to start doing things that are worthwhile. Someone has said “Live life to the fullest, laugh and the world laughs with you, love like there’s no tomorrow.” And these are my new year mottos. For those who know me well, this is hardly new; I’m simply revising and continuing with the same old concepts. I think they are fulfilling sentiments, and they could be yours. Enjoy!

9 Lives ?

Recently my ex-boyfriend and I found each other on Facebook. We were together during college and after that, our lives never crossed paths; it has been roughly 28 years. We were classmates before and now we resume that relationship. So far so good, another lost friend found; a common story on Facebook.

Then something happened that made me ponder about a totally different thing. The way he addresses me, talks to me, makes comments about me, makes me gradually realize that, for him I am still that girl 28 years ago. In the beginning I really didn’t recognize that girl. I felt strange for no reason until it dawned on me that he has not really been addressing me; he has been “talking” to the “old me” and suddenly I realized that I have changed so much.

How many personalities could a person have in a lifetime? We are certainly not the kind of person we were when we were 20 years old. When we reached our 30s, we had evolved into yet another “person.” I read from somewhere someone says a person takes time to become one. This might be at least partly true. Otherwise the movies like “Young Victoria” which is a story of the young Queen Victoria of England who had done so much for the prosperity of Britain that her name graces an English historical period, wouldn’t make any sense. Likewise that movie about the young Coco Chanel, one of the great designers of our time. These examples just confirm that their young lives are as important and interesting as the lives that make them world famous.

Are we the most complete and perfect at our current personality? Are we always happy with this person we have become? Is it possible to get stuck emotionally with our “old personality”? It is not uncommon to see people using their old photos as their Facebook profile picture, or old friends sharing old, sepia photos of their youth. Why do we dwell in or like to visit our past? Maybe that’s what psychology is for. I may have enjoyed the few personalities of my past, but I think I’m most content with the current one and I certainly look forward to meeting the "future me."

Another complication about the evolution of our person is that we might perceive ourselves to be of one personality but people around us might take us to be a different kind of person. This of course makes everything all the more confusing. In the middle of all this, I guess the best way to survive is to know thyself the way you really are. You might have very nasty habits, you might treat people who love you badly, you may take for granted those who have labored for your well being, etc. But if that’s who you are, denying it won’t get you anywhere. An ancient and wise Chinese philosopher says “Know your enemy and know yourself,” but I’d say know yourself, period. Knowing how terrible you are often times makes you more considerate to other people. An ability to accept yourself the way you really are is an acquired skill, it could be hard, but it might be worth trying.

Privacy? What privacy?

Facebook recently launched a new configuration to adjust the degree of privacy or what I want to call degree of personal exposure for its users. What you post on Facebook could be monitored in such a way that you can limit the number of people you want your posts to be seen or accessed. Couldn't help but laughed in my head when I saw this. You decide to do Facebook and now you worry about your exposure? What an oxymoron!!

We have to admit that on this day and age, people are more of an exhibitionist; we want ourselves to be out there for the world to see. We want to be seen, to be heard, and gradually, hopefully to be approved or even admired for one reason or another. This is an era of self-marketing; everybody can appear on screen (doesn't matter it's only a computer screen), anybody's soul could be displayed; you can share the most intimate information about yourselves on the web, and we do that on the daily basis. We share our artistic expressions, our lifestyle, our innermost feelings, right down to how we train our dog, with complete strangers sometimes.

I remember many years ago, my father mentioned to me that he wanted to live a long life, just so that he could witness new technology and what it could do for us. He was saying before PC that computer would be a BIG thing. But I'm sure he would have freaked out if he was alive and see what people are doing on social websites. Our older generations guarded their privacy. It was even bad form to talk about yourself. You were supposed to listen to other people's stories but if you have a story, people will eventually find out if it's good enough.

But now we even have our own blog to "sell" what we assume other people are interested in. Nowadays we don't even blink when we see people posted half naked or babble on about what's deep in their mind. We read and watch very personal massages, incidents, stories, clips, etc. everyday when we log on.

Another example of how hypocritical we are about our privacy concerns the way we use mobile phone. Don't you get it that having a mobile phone means people can get to you at any time--didn't that sound scary for you the first time you considered buying a cell phone? Now people who carry cell phone say they like e-mail because unlike a call on your cell phone, you don't have to interact with the person who wants to connect to you when they want to. With e-mail you can choose the time you want to interact--thus more privacy. Dude, this is not the time or the place to worry about privacy! If you want privacy, you wouldn't buy a cell phone in the first place.

This is why it strikes me as very ironic when people who live among all these technologies start whining about keeping their privacy. Come on, surely you are not too naive to know that to use the Internet or other type of communication technology means you have "sold" your privacy; you are like Christine in "The Phantom of the Opera;" in order to sing, you have to sacrifice your soul to the devil.

Man vs Nature: A reflection on the Annapurna and Provence

In the summer of 2010 I went to 2 totally different but very fun trips. Trekking in the Annapurna Himalayas in March and did the south of France in May. Both were my dream destinations. I always love Nepal and walking those mountains, and I had heard so much about how pretty Provence was.

Near Pokhara in Nepal, to be among those majestic and ancient mountains was like to be in paradise. I remember I saw a documentary once about a photographer who went into the Yellow Stone National Park in winter when there was practically nobody there because it was covered with snow and cold. The photographer said that he was in his temple because he was all alone, at times braving the weather, at times being elated by the pristine scenery. Some nights he was sleeping in his tent amid a snow storm but then in the morning everything was calm and peaceful again. I so got the idea of being by yourself among great nature. You do learn a thing or two, not about the place, but about you.

I have been lucky to have found "my temple" among the Annapurna. My walk compared to that of the photographer's was a piece of cake. But I did sweat like a pig and bet my wellbeings on my physical strength, which you have to admit was quite crazy. I am after all a middle-aged woman without much of a muscle and who do not really exercise regularly, whose body is frail a little more every day. But I survived the walk, no I completed it with zest; on the last day I didn't want it to end! I just wanted to keep walking. Walking and having "conversation" with that kind of scenery is the best meditation I know. While you felt that your body was going apart, your mind was set and focused. You were without worldly distractions, and what a wonderful state that was. This must be like when Lord Buddha left the palace and tried to find out about life. You learned so much about yourself and your relation to the world by being alone with nature. This is why nature is a great teacher. It fulfills you spiritually, which is the most gratifying way to be fulfilled.

Then in Provence, my mind was blown by the glory of those medieval towns such as Avignon and Arles, as well as isolated yet romantic medieval villages such as Les Baux, and Gordes. They are human legacy that stand the test of time. You are in awe of those people who built these castles and chateaux and are mesmerized by the beauty of their artistic expressions. You "ooh" and "ah" at the arts, the architecture, the craftsmanship. Man has put his marks like these at every corner of the world, Provence being but only one example.

But between the 2 trips, I more often in my mind go back to the Annapurna. I know, they are 2 totally different places that can't be compared. But by God, I think nature beats it all. Nothing can be more ancient and captivating than natural settings. If you put the 2 things to a fight, between nature and manmade things, I vote for mother nature. Nature stays with you more deeply, it is very stubborn and refuses to leave.

This is the house my parents started their family, oh...probably more than 50 years ago. Nobody lives there. It hasn't been occupied for more than 20 years. But it still stands. We can all visit and we occasionally do. The rest of our immediate family: my parents, one already left us, and my 2 brothers, also one gone, had and have had history there. They all had lived in this beautiful house. I was not lucky; I was born when they all moved into town. But the weird way of life is that whenever I visit this place, I can feel so connected to it; it is our history, my history.

To know where you come from is an essence of a person in the world, at least that's what I believe. How can you have a sense of who you are without knowing about your root ?

People in a country is the same way; we need to know our collective history, where we all come from as a nation. I know it's social constructed but it serves a great purpose. People without roots have no sense of who they are, how they should interact with others, and they have no compassion. They think only of themselves: me, me, me, now, now, now. At times they become selfish and ugly.

History sounds boring to many; it took me almost half a century to realize the opposite. Your history could make you a better person.